apparitions at twilight

rushofsun @ 2008-06-30T19:40:00

2008-06-30T09:39:46Z

Internet in bed, the height of sloth.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-30T13:22:00

2008-06-30T03:22:47Z

I finished my Scholarship application last night. Cross your fingers. There is no other news. I am moving to a new department at work tomorrow. I am still freaking out about Mike, but its m ore in the 'what's wrong with me vein".. which is really unhealthy. I am trying to fight the glums with a humorous approach, though it doesn't always work.

My next video adventure is Mike Leigh's back catalogue. I think I just needed to get older to appreciate them - you know what I mean?

rushofsun @ 2008-06-29T20:25:00

2008-06-29T10:24:27Z

rushofsun @ 2008-06-23T18:15:00

2008-06-23T08:13:43Z

Marlaina - Of course you can have cupcake and wine for dinner!

rushofsun @ 2008-06-22T17:23:00

2008-06-22T07:34:18Z

I haven't done much here except be sad and angry and dissect my relationship in minute detail. I suppose there are other things more interesting going on and I should focus on those. I am moving departments at work into Community Partnerships, and will work with community arts projects, arts and education, multicultural and youth arts. Its an exciting section with nice people.

I am applying for a scholarship at university. I applied last year but didn't get it, perhaps this year will give me a spot of luck?

I am applying for two solo shows. One at Kudos Gallery at university (a beautiful space) and one at Chalk Horse Gallery which is also a great space & offers very professional outcomes for emerging artists.

I am wanting to form a partnership with my friend Carli to work together on art projects, her in a curatorial sense, with me as one of hr artists. This is very exciting. Working in groups and having a sense of community is amazing. Sometimes I feel really out of the loop exhibiting wise.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-22T00:47:00

2008-06-21T14:49:41Z

who am I?

I am:

sick of crying

wanting to be loved

wanting to feel safe

not wanting to feel rejected again or in another situation where my self worth is resting on needing a man to want me more than some other girl he may or may not know

trying to have things in perspective

staying up too late

emotional

sad

wanting to be friends with Michael without wanting to be together with him

sometimes wanting him to hurt like I hurt

alone in a small front room with my heater on

probably depressed

not wanting to be depressed

trying to get over being let down by someone I wanted to trust so badly

rushofsun @ 2008-06-14T01:36:00

2008-06-13T15:39:15Z

Tonight on the walk home I saw three different people; One young man wearing skinny black jeans was leaning against the conifer outside his friend's terrace, throwing up, while his concerned friend asked 'are you okay?' through the fly screen.

A middle aged man with an unruly beard was clutching his other middle aged friend (beardless), and seriously pleading with him to not 'bite him'. A middle aged woman with bleach blond hair stood next to them, bored.

A twenty-something girl with a white helmet on sits astride her bike and furiously gesticulates to her partner, she bemoans; 'You always act poor when you aren't, and you're always poor when you say you're not' and; 'I don't know what's real anymore'.

I can relate.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-09T14:44:00

2008-06-09T04:42:51Z

you can see my new house on the Lonely Planet blog:

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/blogs/travel_blog/2008/05/supremes-of-surry-hills.html

Mine is the one with the matching chairs.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-07T01:30:00

2008-06-06T15:33:18Z

Tonight I had dinner with Mike. It was so beautiful and then it was horrible. I feel hollow and confused. I still have no idea why this man I loved so deeply left me. I have no idea. It makes me cry when I think about it, so each day I distract myself from all the questions that have no answers. I cried for the last half hour we were together tonight and then I caught a taxi home; To an empty house that does not feel like mine. I am in an alien shell & I am far from home.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-05T23:25:00

2008-06-05T13:24:10Z

Took three rolls of film tonight.

rushofsun @ 2008-06-05T12:37:00

2008-06-05T02:40:07Z

I have moved into my new house now. It is mostly okay.

I feel sad most nights, just before sleep, when I realise I am really alone in all this again. The not having someone there, in your corner, building a partnership with you; is very hard. I am still getting used to not having that love and comfort that I crave.

I am also depressed about work. So many people are loosing their jobs; I am safe, but I may work in another department. I don't know if I should be scared, not worried, excited, or what. There are not a lot of answers.

And it is raining a lot. Grey.

rushofsun @ 2008-05-24T16:35:00

2008-05-24T06:40:28Z

I just made 10 zines for the zine fair at the MCA as part of Sydney Writer's Week. They are the sames ones as before (clearly I forget to be introspective whilst in a relationship) and have an addendum with a story and an image on a poster type thing. Maybe I might get some website hits from interested parties, though they'll be disappointed with the sombre landscape based presentation of my images these days.

My supervisor at uni said she was surprised at the quality and intelligence of my abstract for my exegesis. Now to make work.

I got proficiency on the HD camera (video) at university, and have booked it out two weeks from today. Perhaps I can grabble together some kind of VISION.

Other than that I hate the philistines in Australia, wished I was back in Berlin where art show posters scream at you louder than the new tour by Mary J Blige (who I am sure is a nice person).

It is 5:00pm.

Do you know what side of the line you stand on?

rushofsun @ 2008-05-22T18:56:00

2008-05-22T08:56:56Z

Nude teen art shock!

I was just at the Bill Henson exhibition at Roslyn Oxley Gallery. It was shut down by the police pending an investigation into Henson's nude depictions of 12 and 13 year old models. Some of the images were pretty provocative -but- not implicitly sexual, as the media are running with. I hope some intelligent debate can come from this, rather than scaremongering and censorship.

rushofsun @ 2008-05-17T18:26:00

2008-05-17T08:27:32Z

Lat night I found $20 in the women's bathroom at university. A month ago I found $15 on the footpath besides a park in Darlinghurst. Several months ago I found $40 on our street halfway between a brothel and the local bar. About 6 months ago I found $50 on the corner near the Coke sign here in Kings Cross. I am $125 up on the world in 2007/08. This is one thing I know I am good at: finding money on the ground. When I was a child my father called me magpie. I spent the $20 on a roast chicken and some DVDs. I call that satisfaction.

rushofsun @ 2008-05-11T18:03:00

2008-05-11T08:11:33Z

But what does it mean for me now?

I am centering the basis of my exegesis around Laura Mulvey's book Death 24x a second : stillness and the moving image, examining the emergence of a new way of viewing the image, as a cinematic -still, with modern technology like the internet and DVD that gives the viewer the power, to pause, slow and rewatch scenes, in effect creating a cinema of moments. My images examine this break or glitch n the viewing narrative, the delay, the pause between one image and the next, the pausing of movement, or what I termed "before focus is fixed".

I will examine the "moment" esp in reference to Barthes, and reassess and e-examine both photographic and cinematic time. In effect my images form a crossover between the moving and the still, they occupy a moment of delay, a fetishistic moment, consumed and repeated.

In a sense, I have been propelled into the 21st century.

rushofsun @ 2008-05-06T14:40:00

2008-05-06T04:39:55Z

HELP ME FIND THIS IMAGE!!

Does anyone have a copy of this Martin Parr image in a book at home or on their computer in a higher resolution? Can you get access to one quick? Please help me out, I need it for a talk I am doing at Interesting South http://interestingsouth.com/ next week!

rushofsun @ 2008-04-18T01:17:00

2008-04-18T15:18:00Z

Michele; thank you. I can already feel positive vibes from it, and many many positive complements. I don't usually wear such strong jewelery, but I am making an exception for this x.

The duration of time - After Bergson, Barthes and Deluze

2008-04-18T06:26:13Z

Sorry about the cross posting for those who subscribe to my Thesis Feed.

“…looking at a photograph, I inevitably include in my scrutiny the thought of that instant, however brief, in which a real thing happened to be motionless in front of the eye. I project the present photograph’s immobility upon the past shot, and it is this arrest which constitutes the pose” - Roland Barthes

Expectation of movement.

Repetition without difference (The Photograph) not without difference from the “original” object, but without difference from itself a moment ago - Geoffrey Rhodes
Repetition with difference (Cinema) Barthes considers the “distraction” of cinema, the constant flow of images.

The photo has no durée (Henri Bergson) but forces the viewer to impart their own durée (subjectivity), their own perception. Cinema occupies the mind, does not allow for contemplation, images are forced to be viewed in a sequence, unfolding a narrative.

Relationship to the photo image (per Deluze) is that we view our changing present and an unchanging point in the past.

The spectator is actually stringing together pieces of duration into a whole, a present, a virtual. This launches the viewer into the film: lured in by his own perception, the viewer becomes a denizen of the cinemas durée, forgetting his own.

The photograph forces contemplation with the self (sublime, but an ideal of wanting to submit to the static form of the image (this causes a tension) there is no resolve.

Barthes “Photographs are signs which don’t take, which turn, as milk does. Whatever grants to vision and whatever its manner, a photograph is always invisible: it is not it that we see”

Mnemonics (transference) subjectively and physically, a connection through the impress of light and the impress of subjective thought, the duration of time for the bloom of a burn or light and the creation of a memory, the act of viewing, the bloom of the image awakened in their viewers mind.

My own paper trail:

Light -> duration -> image creation-> Image viewing -> memory formation -> recognition - > mnemonic referencing
Light -> Impression -> Recognition

rushofsun @ 2008-04-16T09:09:00

2008-04-15T23:09:55Z

Our apartment is for sale

It is really bumming me out that i have to find a share house again. I was so settled in this place. I don't know, I feel 100 things, cry easily, get angry easier, and feel so wound up, stressed and unhappy. I really hope we make money on this sale. I just want the credit card GONE. Something....

rushofsun @ 2008-04-14T14:47:00

2008-04-14T04:45:59Z

I met Bill Viola the other day. He is exhibiting a new work in Sydney called the Tristan Project.

He was very softly spoken and said beautiful things about how people and artists search for the spaces in between things; the impenetrable space between you and another person, between a mountain, between light. They want to know it/describe it. Radiohead write songs about that place.

rushofsun @ 2008-04-07T22:20:00

2008-04-06T11:18:26Z

We painted our apartment this weekend and I am sore as hell. It was an emotional experience.. seeing as I'd rather not sell + a million other things, but... it does look good. two casks of wine later.

rushofsun @ 2008-04-01T15:02:00

2008-04-01T04:04:04Z

I have proposed to do a talk at this conference: http://interestingsouth.com/ A selective history of photography in 30 images (or so).

Basically it is a presentation of iconic/striking images from 1830 until now to explore and illustrate how the photographic image has helped shape the way people see themselves and the world. The nature of the talk would also explore changes in modern art styles as well as position photography as a legitimate art form that is still changing and evolving.

If you live in Sydney you may even be interested in coming along. I will, even if my talk is not accepted.

rushofsun @ 2008-04-01T11:46:00

2008-04-01T00:45:33Z

Today I used the word dichotomy in an everyday email at work.

rushofsun @ 2008-03-27T12:50:00

2008-03-27T01:51:42Z

Yesterday I saw Billy Corgan on Pitt St in the city at Hungry Jacks. He was telling two excited teenagers that he was visiting with his brother and he wanted to eat there. He also told them he sawe a koala, which seems to be something that people MUST DO when coming to Australia.

I don't know why he was here, do they have a new album?

rushofsun @ 2008-03-27T10:51:00

2008-03-26T23:52:07Z

Resist the noise, the perpetual rumour of the world, through the silence of the image.

Resist movement, flow and acceleration through the stillness of the image.

Resist the moral imperative of meaning through the silence of signification.

Above all, resist this automatic overflow of images and their perpetual succession.

Recover the "po-ignant" detail of the object, the "punctum", but also the moment of acting, of taking the picture, immediately passed, and always nostalgic.

- Jean Baudrillard